just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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