But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
