Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
