woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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