I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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