my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are two peas in an std pod
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
