so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
