i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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