Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
