Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
