I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
smell my finger.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
