apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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