five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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