so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You have to summon your inner elephant
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
