I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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