Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize