Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
