She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
