it was like his penis was on wheels.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
