I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
