I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
