OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
