Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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