Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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