Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
