Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
