First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
