we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
