U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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