I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
