I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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