I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
