Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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