When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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