1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
