Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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