I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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