tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
