hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
