Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
