Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
