remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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