i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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