i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
