this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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