So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
