I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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