I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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