I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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