You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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