she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
