He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
