You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize