omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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