then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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