remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
