A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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