She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
