you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
