oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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